How many times have we heard someone say, "I'm looking for more meaning in life" or "I'm trying to find my purpose" or "I'm searching for more passion"?
Maybe you've even said one of these.
If so, stop right now.
Because you'll never find meaning, purpose or passion.
Karen Salmansohn said, “What if I told you that 10 years from now, your life would be exactly the same? I doubt you’d be happy. So, why are you so afraid of change?”
Personally, I’m pretty happy with my life right now. I don’t have much to complain about – I have a loving family and good friends, a job I enjoy going to each morning and my body does what I’d like it to do most of the time.
I was intrigued by Breakable Rule #4: Be honest about your feelings, no matter what.
This is one I've always struggled with in relationships: with my spouse, family and friends. I mean, we’ve all told those little white lies (and maybe some bigger ones).
This upcoming weekend is Easter. I’m looking forward to spending time outside now that’s starting to get nice, enjoying some good food and sweet treats, but most of all, spending time with my family – close and extended.
It’s time to wake up and smell the roses. It’s great that everyone keeps telling you to dream big and look for new opportunities and chances, but don’t forget to explore what’s around you. You never know what could be right under your nose.
Have you found yourself should-ing on yourself lately? I heard this phrase while I was watching Sex and the City with my daughter one afternoon and it really stuck with me. The character Carrie Bradshaw asked, “Why are we should-ing all over ourselves?”
Thinking positively will help you transform and rejuvenate your life. If you believe something can happen and look for opportunities, it will begin to manifest in different areas in your life. They may be hard to spot which is why you must be open to them.
We all have those moments – you dropped the ball on a project at work, you lost your patience and yelled at your kids, you forgot your mom’s birthday, that your spouse made plans for you on a weekend you double-booked.
How do you feel? Probably like crap. People depended on you and you failed them. You couldn’t step up to the plate.
My husband hates going to the gym in January. Not because he doesn’t want to work out after the Christmas break, but because of the amount of new people there.
Without fail, every January brings eager new gym members flush with excitement (and sweat) over their New Year’s resolution: Join a gym.
His frustration is short-lived though; within a matter of weeks only a few newbies are still there.
We all know the feeling. You’re excited to do something new, but as soon as the time comes, you’re heart starts to pound and your palms get sweating. Or maybe you’re not excited at all. You have to do something you dread at work and you’ve got a pit deeper than the Grand Canyon in your stomach.
What are you feeling? Fear. Fear is completely natural. It’s what stopped us from being eaten by wild animals, out of dark creepy places and away from heights when we still lived in caves. All dangerous situations when all you have is fire and a club.
Stress is one of today’s largest battles. Many of us are struggling with balancing work and home pressures and to some extent feel like the harder we try the more out of control we feel. It is not easy to live in today’s environment of changing priorities and fast paced living. Learning to manage stress is becoming something that people are demanding; however like anything we do to be healthy there is no quick fix.
A father and his teenage son were out together at a mall one day. The son wanted to check out a new pair of sneakers at the sports store.
As they were making their way through the crowded food court, a young woman juggling a number of bags stumbled and the contents of several of them, including her purse, spilled across the floor.
The son stepped around the woman and continued with the flow only to realize that his father wasn’t next to him. Looking around he spotted him kneeling down and helping the woman pick up the scattered items.
Goals will take you far in life. They will help you build the life you want. When you set goals on a solid foundation, there is nothing better. However, sometimes we use goals for all the wrong reasons. And we end up disappointed, setback and feeling like failures.
Goals take a central role in our society. Small children are asked what they want to be when they grow up. We set goals to get good grades in high school. We go to university with the goal to get a good job and reach our dreams. In job interviews we are asked what our five year plan is. Everyone today is expected to have a vision, dreams and goals to attain and inspire them.
Question: "Hi Gary, do you have any advice on how to keep to a schedule when stamina and momentum are two things you don’t have a lot of?"
Debbie, Toronto, Canada
When we were younger, it seemed like we never had time to think about what we wanted out of life. We were too busy working, running errands, doing chores, shuttling kids all over the place, worrying about how they were doing in school or if we paid the water bill and so on. We just didn’t have the time or luxury.
Lately when I’ve been driving home from work, there’s been a young girl carrying a sign for a pizza place saying "Honk if you like us!"
I can imagine the guts it takes for her, as a young girl, to walk up and down the sidewalk every day during rush hour as dozens of cars whiz by her. It takes a special kind of person to be able to draw that type of attention to yourself. Unfortunately, I never hear anyone honk.
The following article is written by my Marketing Director/creative go-to person, Renée. She does a lot of our behind the scenes work here. She has two little girls of her own (aged three and one) and wanted to write about a recent episode with her older daughter that I think we can all relate to.
Question: Hey Gary, I need your help here. I've been dating this guy for 4 months now and we've been so close for some time. But now things have changed and we don't spend time as we used to before and I love him and I don't wanna lose him, so can you please advise me what can I do to bring back those days?
You have many roles that you are expected to fill: parent, spouse, daughter/son, friend, employee and more. And with each of these roles come certain expectations as to what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to act. This can be overwhelming, as oftentimes, the expectations are conflicting, like when you need to stay late for work but there’s a special event for your child.
Hi Gary, the older I get the more I’m noticing the negative views people have of age. I’m expected to dye my hair, put a half dozen creams on my face, inject chemicals into my lips, brows and cheeks and even cut myself up. Not to mention the dozens of other products and procedures out there for anti-aging.
This tip may seem simple at first, but it can be quite a challenge. Despite the difficulty, I encourage you to do it. I call it the two-by-two principle. This is how it works: when you’ve been away from someone for two hours or more, when you see them again, the first two minutes should be dedicated to reconnecting with that person. I promise you, if you practice this, you will see a shift in your relationships for the better.
Question: Between my job, commuting, house chores and errands, spending quality time with my husband and running my kids to all their events and activities, I don’t have any time for myself. It is starting to wear on me. I’m tired all the time and am starting to resent what I do for everyone else. How can I get more me time without feeling guilty about not meeting the needs of my family?
Most of us have parts that we don’t want anyone to know or see; whether they be the extra baggage around our stomach, the way we sometimes yell at our kids when we’re overwhelmed or that horrible experience we had a few years ago.
We feel like if people saw or knew these things about us that they would be appalled or disgusted; that we would no longer belong. So we hide these parts about us and deny they exist.
Change. It is the one word that can strike dread and ignite excitement in the same breath. Change brings new little people into our lives, wailing and full of hope. Change also solemnly (sometimes dramatically) ushers others out of our lives, even when we beg for just one more day, an hour even to say all we’ve left unsaid.
Change – new jobs, divorce, empty nests, new homes, layoffs, marriage, children, health problems, school, careers – life.
Do you feel that you’ve become invisible in your own life? I don’t mean literally. If that’s the case, I suggest you look into a life of fighting crime and saving the world. Often when I’m coaching I hear a lot of people, especially women, speaking about how they are just ghosts of their former selves. They feel like they are living a half-life. They’ve been so busy doing what everyone else needs them to do that they forgot to ask what they want from life.
My Dad, Gary, has entrusted me to drive his fairly new car from time to time. Constantly repeating that I`m a great driver, but I better make sure to keep it spotless inside and out! Well, I must come clean and say…his car is no longer `new` and spotless on the outside. I was leaving work to grab a birthday cake for a co-worker when I put the car in reverse and shook hands with the parking sign. Yes, the back light cover and the side of his white car met eye to eye in a battle. Let`s just say that the sign won and I cried!
Almost 25 years ago I married the love of my life; little did I know I was also committing to a lifelong list of household renovations! My wife likes change, so for her; renovations are just part of life. I love working around the house, it becomes a project that my wife and I work on together and I must say, it’s an incredible feeling to look at your home and appreciate all the hard work and sweat that went into it. We really do get a sense of great accomplishment doing our own work.
Stuck in a rut and feeling like there is no way out? Guess again! I’m here to help you by offering 3 simple steps so that you can overcome this negative moment in your life. It is important to recognize that at some point in our lives we end up in a rut; it is the way we deal with it that separates us apart from other individuals. If you are feeling unmotivated and sluggish, this article is for you. If you are experience all time energy lows, not achieving at your best, tossing and turning at night then you are in the right spot as well!
Yesterday was an extremely busy day at work, although that seems to be the norm these days. One day just blends into the next. Trust me, I’m not complaining. I love when it is this busy. Decisions are made quickly. Creativity is high. Enthusiasm and energy is abundant all day. Engaging clients with their challenges and finding solutions. All of this is very rewarding and exciting. As you can tell I love what I do. However as with any busy time it can eventually wear you down over time. Yesterday was one of those days.
This week has been a real exceptional week. I had the distinct pleasure of working with youth ranging in ages from 17 to 18. In addition to that, my 20 year old daughter co-facilitated with me. She impressed me with her passion and confidence as she immersed herself into her topic of managing conflict. In the afternoon, she presented the same topic to an entirely different group but this time presented solo as I was presenting in another room to 30 young adults speaking on building personal resilience. What a great day!
Ah the gauntlet of challenge from my youth. The ultimate test of ego and testosterone all rolled up into two sentences: I Dare you! I Double Dog Dare You!
It’s amazing some of the stupid decisions and actions that resulted from these dares being uttered by someone who probably wouldn’t accept the dare themselves but would love to see me humiliate myself with the dare.
For those of you that watch the sitcom How I Met Your Mother, the title of the article states how Barney Stinson (a character on the show) says the word legendary when something great is going to happen.
The company Nike has it right. The simplicity of their slogan should be embraced on a daily basis; Just Do It! How many times have you lost out on something you wanted because of indecision or a fear of just making the decision?
It’s been so much fun walking the streets in the downtown core by my office these last few days. There is a bounce in everyone’s step. Smiles are greeted by more smiles. Families are walking holding their kids hands. Even watching the comments on FaceBook, people are talking around increased energy and productivity. What is causing all this positive change? An incredible burst of spring weather!
Stress is a word that we hear or have used often in our daily lives. Doing more with less, getting deadlines out for a customer, and rushing through dinner to get the kids to their hockey game all can lead to increased stress levels. Stress is nothing new but when the stress becomes excessive and unwanted it can quickly become an overwhelming factor in our lives. This stress can have far reaching implications physically, emotionally, financially and socially, leaving scars in both our personal and professional lives.
My co-worker just got back from a Caribbean vacation. He had an incredible time. He said it was great and he planned it perfectly. In fact he spent a lot of time researching and planning the perfect vacation.
Self sabotage can be heard all around you. Excuses. Doubt. Fear. They all can be heard in the words people say or the actions people do. I’m sure we have all used words like ‘I can’t, I’m not sure, maybe, I’ll try, if only I had’; these are all words and thoughts that are based on insecurities and doubt. When we use them often, they reinforce an attitude of self sabotage. The problem with self sabotage is that if you believe what you say long enough, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Celebrating New Year’s was especially rewarding this year. My family and I created a lasting memory by ringing in the New Year in the Dominican Republic. After an exceptional dinner including grilled lobster, we attended an outdoor concert and screamed with hundreds of others as the countdown to midnight transpired. At the strike of twelve we watched bright, colourful fireworks explode in the star filled sky up and down the beach from the different resorts. The celebrating continued on for hours with music, laughter and lots of pictures.
Well it’s that time of year again. That one time of year where we continually hear the question; what’s your New Year Resolution? This is also the time of year where so many great intentions get blindsided by old habits. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of formalizing a New Year Resolution. Heck I’m an advocate of setting resolutions throughout the year. But it’s something about the tradition (and peer pressure) of having a New Year Resolution that causes even some of the die hard to pony up and identify at least one goal.
In my book the Power of RE I discuss Reclaiming control of your life. Far too often, we get busy and fail to make choices. In essence we let life control us. We can become like puppets with life pulling our strings. It becomes difficult to enjoy what life has to offer when we are reacting from one event to the next. One of my favourite movies is City Slickers starring Billy Crystal. Billy played the role of Mitch who had lost control of his life and wasn’t sure how to get it back.
Busy. Busy. Busy. I’ve got no time for anything. I’m exhausted at the end of the day.
How many times have you heard this in a day when talking to others? How many times have you said it yourself? No doubt that life is busy. At work we hear we have to do more with less. At home we might be busy running the kids to their sporting events, taking care of an ill parent or participating in a church group. Regardless of what is draining your time, it still can create a sense of loss of self or imbalance in daily life leading to considerable stress.
I was with a client the other day and he was frustrated with the lack of accountability with some of his team members. He commented how there always seems to be an excuse for poor performance or it was always someone else’s fault.
Surprise! You have a guest writer this week, and yes, by guest I mean Gary’s amazing and talented daughter, Hannah. I’ve asked my father’s permission to write this article as I am back from University for my first reading week. I thought it would bring a different perspective to this article and let everyone hear about my beginning experience of University life…I’ll leave out the wild stories, don’t worry.
